Dear Phil,

Please stop bombing my truck with poop. You see: I enjoy driving all over the creation, but would prefer not to showcase your art to the world as I’m doing so. It’s quite embarassing when I’m greeted with cries of laughter everywhere I go. Especially when I’m at soccer practice or driving around chinatown.

“Look! Coach Bully’s truck is covered in poop! LOL!” or;

“Rook! Buri truck cava poop! ROR!”

I’ve been repairing my house these last couple years, but hear this now: just because I’m covered in paint, drywall mud, and caulking does not mean I want my truck covered in your feces! FYI it’s not good for my truck’s paint finish, so I would appreciate some cooperation.

I’m one the most patient humans you know, but you should realize that 3 years worth of poop since I came home from Oregon is 3 years too many. You mock my patience with your splatter even as I’m working in my yard. There is no honor in your avian world. You are very disrespectful.

So consider this a fair warning. Cease your daily rampage on my truck or else there will be a BB with your name on it.

Speaking of BBs: did you get the Magic Bullet I sent you? It makes wonderful smoothies. Wish your wife a happy belated birthday for me and I’m looking forward to her Christmas ham. BTW I promise to have Heather home by 10 next Friday.

See you at Little Oven tomorrow? Call Me!

-Bully

Contact: bully@grilledcornbread.com

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